Make it stop

It happens every night.

At four.

Which is, technically, the morning,

At four AM in the morning.

That is the worst!

When people say that.

What do they think PM stands for?


A. Pig Mouth
B. Post meridian
C. Postmodern
D. Peter Mansbridge

So every morning/night, it happens.

I wake up—I am such a heavy sleeper my husband calls me the “enormous log”—

And there it is.

There is the episode of Hot in Cleveland bloopers I PVRd by mistake.

Playing so loud.


I elbow my husband but he never wakes up.

The remotes won’t work, the plugs are in flames.

Betty White is saying Fo shizzle and laughing and laughing.

The other ones laugh too.

So does Sean Hayes, why is he there?

The INFO button says three women were flying to Paris then made an emergency landing in Ohio.

Where they became friends with the inn-keeper, Betty White.

I write PREPOSTEROUS PREMISE! on my TV each night and it’s always gone the next day.

It always ends when Daphne from Frasier says, You bet your bananas!

It will fo shizzle happen again tonight/this morning.

Pretty soon even the fire won’t stop me.

I guess this is “a cry for help.”

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